Hiatus

About 10 days ago, I decided to try selling my computer. I posted online ads and, no matter how much I reduced the asking price, no one made an offer. But I needed to get away from the computer in order to stop being its slave, so, about a week ago, I erased the hard drive and left the computer and my printer on the stairs not far from the apartment door. When I checked a few hours later, it was gone. Someone now has a nearly brand new i3 4130 computer and a nearly new inkjet printer, and I hope they enjoy them.

My father has an extremely old Dell laptop that i gave him some time ago, and all he uses it for is to skype once a month with a friend overseas and to watch live score tennis updates from time to time. I borrowed it from him in order to make this post, but don’t foresee borrowing it from him again too often. It’s his computer and I don’t really miss mine. Although I now spend most of my time vegetating, I still feel liberated and much less troubled than I have been for some time.

My bank was pulling some strange crap with my prepaid MasterCard, so I told onlline banking to close all of my accounts and then destroyed my bank cards. That was also about a week ago. Yesterday, I received a phone call from a number I don’t recognize, so of course I didn’t answer it, but some checking led me to discover that it was my bank branch calling. They and their devoiusness can go straight to hell. As far as I’m concerned, I no longer have a bank account and don’t need one.

I managed to take another trip out of town, but for only one day, and the last six to eight hours were pure hell. The powers that be very obviously want to dissuade me from ever taking a similar trip again, so they put me through the torments of the damned on this one. But, even though I recognize that they were trying to manipulate me, I realize quite independently of that that they can do the same thing again any time they want to, so there is no point in resisting their manipulations on grounds of principle. No more trips out of town for me, because I can be in hell right where I am as opposed to having to go out of town in order to be in the same hell. Which means that I shall never again have a chance to feel alive and have, for all purposes, effectively died four years earlier than I was going to die anyway. Which in the end doesn’t matter.

I might borrow my father’s computer at some future point in order to come back and say hello, but it won’t be any time soon. I want to thank all of those who have been supportive in the time I was actively blogging here. Be well, and sayonara.

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4 thoughts on “Hiatus

  1. We will miss you K, you have a lot to contribute. Just a few unsolicited words of advice-
    -Remember that no one is pressuring you to do anything. You are always in control and the beauty of blogging is that you do it whenever, unless your agenda is to be a “power blogger”.
    -Sometimes its good to have a public voice especially if you don’t live a very social life.
    I personally have enjoyed your mind. Don’t stay away too long.

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  2. You sound so very disillusioned with life and everything around you. I wish so much that I had some way to help you feel something beyond frustration and make you want to reconnect with the world around you. It’s not all bad, it really isn’t. You just seem to be in a bad place right now and in need of changing that. But cutting yourself off from everything isn’t the way to go with this. Yes, you need to eliminate the negative things, but you can’t just try and make yourself an island unto yourself. You need to make connections to other people both in similar situations as yourself and not in similar situations. I think blogging was a very good start to that. I also think though that you need to be sure you are getting some actual human one-on-one contact of a sort every single day, even if it’s only 5 minutes to begin, you need to find ways to reintegrate yourself into society and find a place where you can make a positive impact. Please do let us know how you’re doing. I will be wondering about you.

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